The Holly Berry fiasco: Danika: Devin tricked me into inhaling a berry up my tiny child nose while I was young and vulnerable and she was bloodthirsty Devin: Danika was an idiot child who wanted to prove she was better at everything including shoving things into her body. Nowadays she proves it with food. … More She said/She said
The year was 1999. The date, October 29th. A distressed Doris Jensen, mother to the two most precious three year olds in existence, tore through the family home in search of perfection. “Perfection?”, You ask, “Perfection of what”? A home Pledge would be proud to endorse, a cookie recipe so beautiful heavens horns rang out, … More #9. Here’s the Thing (1 and Thing 2)
Alright, I’m just going to dive right in here and get this out in the open; kid fight leagues should totally be a thing. I mean they basically already exist in every two+ child home across the country, all we would need is a live cable feed and some outrageous nicknames. *BoyScout of ‘Murica vs. … More #8. My sister, the puppet master.
Dev and I have been twins for as long as I can remember (*har har jokes*), but no seriously we’ve been stuck together for quite awhile. Most people think (and ask) that because we crawled out of the crevice we call Mom on the same day that we are also the same person. That … More #7. My twin is cooler than me.
Welcome to the second edition of “Talking Body”. The first edition was an inside scoop on self image supplied by my beautiful counterpart, Devin Jensen, and can be found in recent entries for those of you who aren’t caught up. For those of you that have been paying attention, I’ll continue with my tale. A … More #6. If you’re talking body, don’t talk about mine. Pt.II
Tonight we’re going to spice things up a little folks. I’ve decided to turn my usual incredibly long, babbling, opinionated posts into TWO incredibly long, babbling, opinionated posts!! Yay for infinite word limits! You may have a few ideas bopping around about what this entry could be about (HINT HINT TITLE) but have no fear! … More #6. If you’re talking body, don’t talk about mine. Pt.1
There are two types of Grandma’s in this world: the one that loves you and the one that loves your cousins. If you think I’m wrong, you’re probably the lucky bastard cousin (disclaimer: cousins, I love you all, you’re all real rad people, and I think it’s awesome that Grandma loves you enough to … More #5. Nana V. Grandma
I’ve grown up in a family of New Yorkers. My mothers side is scattered throughout Westchester and Rockland County while my Dads is just about an hour upstate from that. My parents settled down in Albany, putting a bit of distance between us and the family. I’ve always loved the Westchester area. Visiting my Aunts … More #4. If you’re a decent person you don’t eat Kale.
I love to ask people what their favorite childhood memory is. Seriously, try it sometime you won’t regret it. Their answers range from funny, to sweet, to sobering (and then there’s the ass who “doesn’t have one”; mhm yeah okay, because every day of your life as a 5 year old was complete purgatory). Mine … More #3. That time I placed second in the Race-for-out-of-the-womb
Puberty is awkward as Hell. Every kid knows it; and hates it. One day you’ll wake up 8 inches taller with hair everywhere and red bumps all over your face and you’re supposed to just be like “Ah yes, puberty, great. This is exactly what I wanted to deal with for the next uncertain amount … More #2. If you had a twin, I would still choose you